Monday, September 29, 2008

The New Guy Card

"Last night, I played poker with a deck of tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
--Steven Wright

You know what the best part of any new job is? It's not the smell of a freshly cleaned desk. It's not the many congratulations and warm fuzzies you get as you start. It's the fact that you get to be stupid.

New jobs allow you to be a card-carrying idiot for about three months. IT'S GREAT!

"Why didn't you get me that proposal?"

"Oh, sorry. Didn't know it was due. I'm still new to this."

I'm a reasonably intelligent person. I've got a couple degrees. I understood and laughed at all the jokes on FRASIER. But getting permission to drop the facade and just screw up is a lot like exhaling after holding your breath for, like, a year.

Right now, many of you are thinking, "Yes, but do we WANT a moron at the Flux helm?"

Hakuna matata. The New Guy card is, as I suggested, a short term reprieve. And just because I've got an excuse to make mistakes as I sift through files and e-mails and manuscripts doesn't mean I WILL mess up. But let's agree that anything new has a learning curve and I expect to be playing the New Guy card for at least a few weeks, if not the full 3 month period. (Why three months? I dunno. In my experience, that's usually the time it takes to feel really comfortable in the new skin. We'll see.)
I can see I'm instilling you with oodles of confidence. Buck up, campers! I don't know about you but I'm here to have some fun. Anyone care to join me?


A.S. King said...

Fun is good. Welcome to your new desk, Brian.

Josie Bloss said...

I'll join in...welcome, Brian!

Christy Raedeke said...

I'm in! I get to play the "New Author" card so we can bumble on together...

Kirstin Cronn-Mills said...

I'm up for fun AND bumbling . . . I'm new, too. Welcome to you, Brian!

Lolita said...

You COULD do the whole "I'm new" excuse, and you COULD string it out for 3 months, but wouldn't you rather that everyone be really IMPRESSED at how quickly you cottoned on, and at how incredibly intelligent you are? :)

Linda said...

Welcome New Guy! I look forward to working with you.
Linda Joy Singleton

Brian Mandabach said...

I've been using that a lot at my new school. It's really nice when you want to get the feel for how things work, what the dynamic is like with new co-workers, etc.

"I'm the new guy here, so I'm not sure if it's appropriate if I bring this up with you, but I was wondering . . ."

But, dang, I'm almost 2 months into it! I guess I've gotta start knowing what's going on!

Barbara Shoup said...

What a fabulous way of thinking about a new job. Go for it!

Maggie Stiefvater said...

Okay, funny is good. I'll take funny. :)